26th April 1989 …24 years today and this date still rings alarms in my mind like remembering someone’s birthday or anniversary. I try hard to forget..to tell myself its so insignificant a date.
It’s a date I need not remember, but it’s a date that’s etched
in my heart. If waves of sea can erase writings on the sand, why don’t so many
waves of emotions fade away a date in my mind?
Coincidentally, on this same date, twenty four years later, I
find the answers in my little son’s questions…hes been running a fever and was
tendered to by his father last night. When he woke up in the morning his first
question was “Aai where is Baba? I want Baba”. Some cajoling later I was able
to take his attention off his father who had left for office early in the
morning.
My first thought was that of envy. Why does he call for his Baba when I am there for him all day, looking after him, cooking, feeding, bathing and talking to him? Am I not the perfect parent or I lack the fun factor his dad brings in? I try to make him smile with silly jokes and fake stories all day. All day goes in this little worry..I grab hold of the newspaper and the date looks familiar.
My mind strides back to the memory of this date 24 years ago…when I was only about nine years old. This was a day when my father left abroad for work. It was a two year contract and we were supposed to see him in a years time. My mother was adamant to continue staying here with me so that my education and her bank job could be continued. It was an arrangement which would ensure that my life would not be affected as I would continue with the same school, same friends and same home.Difficult it must have been for her, to manage her job, the house and a daughter single handedly…
My first thought was that of envy. Why does he call for his Baba when I am there for him all day, looking after him, cooking, feeding, bathing and talking to him? Am I not the perfect parent or I lack the fun factor his dad brings in? I try to make him smile with silly jokes and fake stories all day. All day goes in this little worry..I grab hold of the newspaper and the date looks familiar.
My mind strides back to the memory of this date 24 years ago…when I was only about nine years old. This was a day when my father left abroad for work. It was a two year contract and we were supposed to see him in a years time. My mother was adamant to continue staying here with me so that my education and her bank job could be continued. It was an arrangement which would ensure that my life would not be affected as I would continue with the same school, same friends and same home.Difficult it must have been for her, to manage her job, the house and a daughter single handedly…
However, I realize today what it was for me…why is the date
so significant for me…Looking back I think it shattered my life completely. A
turbulent experience that manifests in a disturbed childhood. First effect was
low grades at school..irritable behavior and constant fights with mother so
much so that she had to be operated for severe throat condition. I became a
reclusive, unconfident and adamant child.
A mishap which couldn’t be undone. Its effects lasted for
all my teen years too. A small change that changed the course of my life…
Its not that my mother was a less parent or that my father
was an extremely caring father. Then what is it that went amiss in my life that
day? Probably, it’s an unfelt connection that God has created between a child
and his parents. They may be unattached but there is something that connects
them.I connection that affects a childs mind deeply in a way that cant be seen
or explained… definitively
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