Name Plates

Its not a complaint

Nor is it a movement

Don’t call me a rebel

Or for that matter an activist

But as I read through

Cant help but wonder

Why would it be so?

Though we both are perfect partners

And equals in all that we care

Love trust passion define

The wonderful life that we share


I guess its been like this

Since eons together

This inequality that exists

That may seem as light as a feather

Inspite of this I can't help but question

While I am defined by your existence

why is there not even a single trace

Of me in your appellation?

Systems set by the society

Formalities developed through civilization

Don’t think it important to include

A wife’s label in her own husband’s designation!

- Pooja Gaurav Virkar

Perennial Parenting

I often think how it would be when my son grows to become a young man. A man; with his own individuality, thoughts and mannerisms; leading his life as per his own terms and conditions.

Perhaps he would never need my shoulder to rest upon or his parents company to share his plans.. My thoughts are farfetched and my husband consoles me that I always imagine the worst things in life! Reality might be very different…Amen!

But to come to think of it, my son whom I loving call a ‘butter ball’…a cutie pie who wants his mother’s cuddle for a peaceful sleep, will no longer need one in future…That’s not an issue…

The real issue is a child grows to be a man, but a mother continues to be a mother! And for that matter even a father would always be a father.

I now begin to slowly understand how difficult it must be for parents and in-laws to accept this truth…Your kids are no longer kids…but you continue to remain their parents…

My heart bleeds for the parents of so many youngsters (including me at times) who disrespected their parents, did not heed to their warnings and just turned a deaf ear to their so called nagging!

The other day I went to my friend’s show at the Lakme Fashion week…A budding and talented designer, she was exhibiting her collection and had sent passes for all friends. A moment of truth for me was to see her parents seated in the first row, promptly punctual, distinctly different from rest of the Fashion world, but yet so accommodating in nature!

My heart went out for them. While the jury and other personalities would be commenting and judging her designing skills and the model’s ramp walk styles, I felt, her parents were simply ruminating on the various hardships that they would have gone through to see this day! The various arguments, tussles and outbursts that would have gone into mastering the skills in a perennial subject called ‘Parenting’

Now I know, why my mother said, “You will understand what a mother is when you become one”…so true mommy!!!

Journey so far

To the earliest of my memories, I remember traveling with my parents in overstuffed ST buses taking us through the grueling ride to our native town in Konkan. The strong stench of ripe jackfruit and communal sweat mixed with the red mud of the land ensured that I threw up all along the way! But the real gift was the lovely land that reckons me till date…simple people with harsh way of life, sharp tongues coupled with sharper wits, skinny figures with immense agility and an honest heart that adorns it all! Over the years the love for these people and land has only increased...

 The next notable travels I took were in foreign lands of Hongkong, Africa and some parts of Europe… Long flights, alien languages and the overdependence on a document called ‘Passport’ marked these journey. People in this land were as alien as their tongues and I failed to make any real impressions about them.

To me they were more of watermarks in the background than anything else.  My heart always longed to go back to India, not for the love of motherland so much as for the love for the people that I had left behind!

Real travel happened beginning with our honeymoon when hubby and I ventured out in North East paradise of Sikkim & Darjeeling all on our own. The helicopter ride over the long and serene Teesta River was an out of the world experience!

Romantic climate coupled with brand new marital bliss played wonder effect for this place. Planning your day, selecting the menu and managing the budgets were something I was enjoying to the fullest. A tough landscape with glimpses of bright Buddhist monasteries and monks was the newly found love in life.  People here were like honey bees: laborious, stylish and sweet...

Love for the Buddhist culture prompted us to take our next excursion to the land of high passes – Ladakh! No journey thereafter has been so satisfying till day! High passes with barren lands, endless mountain paths, the ever entertaining verses of BRO (Border Roads Organisation) boards, crystal clear blue skies with snow white clouds, pure highland breeze, sparse but fresh vegetation, contrastingly set monasteries and stupas with maroon –wrapped monks makes the land truly magical!

The hardships of snow bound life are seen in the profusely wrinkled yet ever smiling and ‘Jhulley’ greeting people of this land…Unforgettable journey coupled with unbelievably warm people!

Kashmir, the very next destination was again a land of beauty but retched with the ugly face of terrorism and negativity towards the government. Masses of this land are out to fleece tourist like never before all under the cover of destruction of industry under the prolonged war conditions.

Himachal another beautiful destination was next in the basket with abundance of nature, beautiful women and a mix rich Punjabi tadka too…

Singapore, Bali and Bhutan the recent ones were all with varied flavours of the South East Asian cultures Pleasant outings which could be marked as luxury travel escapades…

Locals have always formed an integral part of my travel experiences at all destinations.  Amongst them, Himalayan inhabitants take the cake! Their sheer will to survive in the most difficult conditions make my journeys all the more enigmatic…

Another important factor of any journey is your companion: May it be a friend, a spouse or a fellow traveller…I strongly believe that this specimen called “Companion’ has the power to break or make your journey

Journeys have taught me a simple fact: They may bring hardships, delays, surprises and changes…but they all add to my experience called ‘Life’!

Keep travelling! :)

Shraavan Maasi …Harsh Maanasi!

With the onset of monsoons and initial downpour, nature comes to life with its lush green carpets and cool climate, to welcome the most amazing month in our culture called Shraavan.

I experienced the real meaning of Shraavan only after my wedding! Days of the week in this month are special… it marks the beginning of all auspicious ceremonies like Poojas & Vatras

Mondays are sharaavan somvaars where one fasts in the devotion of Lord Shiva. There is something called Shivamuth that newly married women have to offer to God. So every Monday its either rice, wheat, til, moong that ladies offer for first five years of married life. It is said to bring long life to their husbands and harmony in their married life.

Also, this is the beginning of Sola Somvaar vrat which is supposed to be the harshest of the vrats ever. People fast for 16 Mondays and on the last Monday they have to undertake an elaborate Pooja to commemorate the successful completion of this vrat…all for obtaining family harmony J

Tuesdays are the most amazing part of Shraavan…with the most vibrant of the vrats that it brings – The vrat of ‘Manglagaur’! Like all other vrats, a newly married bride performs this puja on a tuesday morning alongwith many of her counterparts called ‘vashelis’ (other married women)..Together they adorn and decorate the gauri (Goddess Parvathi) with loads of patri (assorted leaves) and handmade ornaments made out of flour. The elaborate Pooja comes to an end after which sumptuous lunch awaits the vashelis…but with a tag attached…’speak no word as you eat’! This ensures loads of giggles and twinkling eyes filled with excitement.

The evenings are very special as well…Women adorn themselves in bright navaari saris and authentic maharashtrian jewelry like nath, baju bandh etc and come together to play number of games that have a great physical challenge! For every game there are numerous songs all revolving around the praises for the wonderful season. The games all present the simple lifestyle of women in konkan villages like drawing water from the well, grating vegetables ,playing under the mango trees, little arguments with mother in law etc. It is a wonderful form of dance and taking your body to the limits of exertion through almost acrobatic movements like gathoda…where you entangle your limbs into a sphere shape and roll over and over and all that in a nine yards saree!!!

Fridays is the Jivati devi vrat where women worship the Goddess who bears children for the safety and wellbeing of their own children. The deity is offered puran as neveidya and an Aukshan (Aarati made of diyas of puran) is performed for all the children in the home.

Since my wedding 5 years ago, this month has always brought excitement in my life and I completely enjoy the feeling of being a miniscule part of the life my forefathers and mothers led and relished!

I hope my children and grandchildren too; will continue to find excitement in our little traditional ways of life..

That Little Routine

With tears in your eyes,

And your eyes looked bigger than ever

You held me by your little hands

Just to say ‘Mommy don’t go!’

Your eyes spoke of words you never said

That ‘Mommy you do this everyday,

Rush to that place called office

When I look longing at your way’

With a heavy heart I closed the door

Hearing your screeching cries behind me

With a resolve and a little prayer

I made my way out into a different world

Now I sit here, and some tell me you are just merry

After I was gone,

But my heart still worries on the pain I caused you

When I shut that door away from you,

I ask my God, will this happen every day?

Leaving you, and my heart heavy,

Will I have to work everyday?

Today you mentioned, ‘ I will also come to your office

To see you work’, when I said you couldn’t,

You said ‘dont ever go to that place called office,

Because there is a huge tiger that’s come there

And your boss  has declared the office shut’,

I love your innocence and your logic

And how I hope it were true

A real monster could come and eat away this place

So that I could never go away from you!

The World of Haves & Haves Not

‘Haves and Haves not’ is the term I first learnt during my syllabus in history on the Feudal Revolution in Europe. That time it had a different meaning to it.

Today, when I look around, this same term brings to my heart a wave of a different perspective. I often wonder where would I place myself and my family between the two terms; haves n haves not…

Going by the traditional connotation of the phrase, I modestly believe that we must belong to the category of ‘haves not’… we make a living just enough to sustain us for the present, we live in a home just about to accommodate all of us, we celebrate festivals just about to cover the customary rituals, we have a bank balance which will last us for about three months of our spending, we buy just enough clothes and toys for our son to maintain his smiles and persona, we maintain only 3-4 pairs of footwear each at any given point in time….On the whole, if I compare our lives to the newsmakers like Jayalalitha and other politicians and businessmen who amass uncountable wealth and luxury, we definitely do not fall in this extravagant category and thus belong to ‘Haves Not’ strata.

But again looking around, I see families falling apart, divorce and separations everywhere with no particular reason; some kids born with a congenital defect; some earning member bedridden/disabled due to a calamity/terror attack; enormous health hazard striking a perfectly young & healthy individual out of nowhere; death in the face of life; accidents that change the life’s course, mentally ill family member to be taken care of and so much more…Every time we hear and learn of such stories we wince for a while and forget about it..We again go to our belief of considering ourselves the Haves Not…

But today I think and rethink on the entire perspective…Do I really belong to the ‘haves not’?

A year of wormotherhood

My English text book in school had a beautiful chapter on a Russian folktale which describes the story of Varya, a six year old who is lost in the fields and when asked to describe her mother..she keeps describing  her as, ’My mother is the most beautiful woman in this World’. All the farm beauties are lined up before her, but she cannot find her mother…What emerges later is her mother who is actually an ugly faced stout woman.. Their union is a heart rendering description of  warmth and affection for each other…In the eyes of the little girl, her mother is truly the most beautiful woman in this world.

I am always reminded of this wonderful story when I think about a mother-child relationship…and more so about mothers who leave back their children to go to work. Though, today, the needs of the women have changed from being mere wage earner to establish one’s own identity outside the cushion of their homes, this dilemma still remains.

Come this August and I complete one full year of working motherhood…And I can’t describe what a hell lot of difference it is to work before being a mother and work after you have left a baby back at home.

As a child, I always told my mother, that I hate her when she leaves me in a day care centre and I as a mother would never do that to my child. But 20 years later I find myself in the same situation. Thankfully my child is blessed with loving set of grandparents who love and care for him much more than I would. Yet, it is no less pain to walk this tightrope game.

The zeal to perform and excel at work is always intact, but along with it is a longing to go back home to the offspring. It is really mindboggling to see this internal change in yourself where a perfectly careerist woman is transformed in to a two hearted personality, who leaves one of her hearts at home every single day. My boss once remarked that I put forth family over work and my husband always feels I give more weightage to work than home and child. I wish both these men knew what it is to be like a working mother, who is cut across these two Worlds!

But hats off to so many working mothers who successfully manage these tangents and higher credit to all those who have given up their work life and brilliantly successful careers just to become  full time mothers!