Designs of an idle mind…

Right from the day we took our first step in this World, we are blessed with a unique power of making a choice..ie choosing from various paths available to us..

Right from what to eat to which book to read, which movie to watch to some important things in life like which career path to take, what profession to choose, which job offer to select and finally what kind of life partner to be selected…At every turn our life, we end up making a choice that defines our future path.

A famous author, Richard Bach has written a book describing the alternative life which would have been in store for us had we not made a particular choice in life? Too complicated right?

To make it simple, imagine when I was 18 years old, I had a choice to undertake a career in Catering & Hotel management or Business management. I have chosen to become a business management professional.. But can I imagine now, after about one and a half decade, what would my life be if I had chosen to be hospitality professional? May be I would be a chef, a housekeeper or for that matter changed my line completely from there and become a bank employee!

So look back at your life and pin every decision opportunity with the various options available as individual points. Then plot a line joining all the decisions that you made and you will come to a road travelled and many destinations that were left behind…Wouldn’t it make an interesting odyssey?

Secret Recipe

As a schoolgirl, sharing the school tiffin with friends was an integral part of life. We often relished the food packed by our friend’s mom, specially the sweets like kheer that she sent along.

Once ,when I went to the same friend’s house and enquired about the delicious dessert recipes’, her mother humbly said, ‘I add a little salt to every dessert, to bring out its sweetness, that’s my secret...’Though amazed at this revelation at that point in time, I hardly gave it another thought.

Cut to 2009, my son’s nanny, exported directly out of the interior village in Konkan, Maharashtra, never forgot to adorn my son with a black dot on his forehead and chin…My protests about my already wheatish sons face going blacker, just went ignored…When confronted, she tried to make me understand that the little black spot on my sons face would ensure no evil eye would touch my son…

Today when I think about this, a random thought comes to my mind…Does a little unhappiness add to the content lives we are blessed with? Just like a little salt is essential to bring out the sweetness in the dessert and the dark spot for the brightness of our faces?

The day I met you..

It now seems like eternity,

Blurred memories stark in mind

The day I met you…

Busy in my own World

With the spirit to conquer it all

I was steading with pride

The day I met you

With a casual glance and

Some customary greetings

Our eyes met briefly

The day I met you

Didn’t I see then?

I think I missed it all

The promise that you held in your eyes

To  hold me in your arms for a lifelong…

My Lost Childhood

They say, 'A child gives birth to a mother', and so it is…100% true…

However, in my case, being a mother is like a recap of my childhood…so many long lost childhood memories begin to have a meaning again…

The other day, when I reached home from office, my mother in law seemed very happy and told me that today Vedant got ready for his school without any tantrums and trouble that he is infamous for! I asked her how did the Sun rise in the West today, and she said exclaimed,  it’s not the sun or moon… it’s the ‘Dhoorwala’! As we sat together and laughed about the incident that led my otherwise naughty son to be sober due to the fear of this dhoorwala, I began to wonder about this species that had lost meaning and significance in my life for a while now….

As a kid, I remember running behind this Dhoorwala (A BMC helper, who frequents the residential localities especially during monsoon and fogs the area as a deterrent against mosquitoes and other insects) in great excitement. The real amusement would be to run through the smoky roads that he created almost like walking in clouds!

Another such amazing species was the’ Vasudev’…a traditional folk community in Maharashtra who sing praises for Lord Krishna…The prominent songs of this Vasudev would wake me up on cold & dark winter mornings and I would run to the window to watch him walking through the narrow aisles  in the adjacent chawls skipping his way through  colourful rangolis and brightly lit lamps (panti) in the post Diwali days…The sound of his taal, chiplis and the sight of his conical cap made of peacock feathers (Mor topi) made me feel magical and zealous to begin my brand new day…

Today it’s a pleasure to wake my son to the tunes of  this same Vasudev   who dances near our compound as I see the same delight in my sons little eyes!!!Sometimes in the post school time afternoons, I used to be shaken by the loud sounds of this species called Kadak Laxmi (again a folk community in Maharashtra) who beats his bare back with a hunter (chabuk) that makes a weird sound…It is said that he does not feel the pain as it is done in the devotion of the Goddess laxmi! This horrible sight is accompanied by the incessant sound of peculiar drum beats played by his wife who invariably carries infant in her arms and an idol of the Goddess on her head…

I remember watching this scene hiding behind my window curtains and wondering why does one need to inflict pain on self in praise of God…The reminiscence of Kadak Laxmi came to in my life again after so many years when my son spotted one on the road and kept asking me…"Why is he hitting himself?"

Another funny species was the Bholanath (An ox/bull dressed in loads of colorful beads and blankets with a rattle like drum playing master (man) who went from home to home, predicting future of people and kids. I used to enjoy the sight and sounds of his bugu bugu from faraway and my friends and I would compete with each other to give alms to this fascinating animal…I was reminded of him when I was teaching my son the famous badbad geet (children’s song) Saang Saang Bholanath…..

Amazingly motherhood has given me an opportunity to relive my childhood…and I hope it gives you too…For my friends and cousins who are living/settled abroad, please ensure that when you come here on your short yearly breaks, relive this part of priceless childhood with your children…I bet... it will be an unforgettable joy!

Journey in two Worlds...

The last weekend was special to me...after years (precisely, after graduating to the  role of a mother) I got a chance to grab two movies, almost back to back and ponder on their subjects

No prizes to guess …One of them was Zindagi na milegi Dobara..The much talked about film rumoring the likes of Dil Chahta hai and Hangover! Well, the subject matter though takes its distant references from the two films; is a wonderful storyline, more so because it can be applied to anyone and any situation in life… I think a brilliant theme for a movie…even after keeping aside the sizzling hot couple and the picturesque Spain scenery and the romantic road journey…

Key takeaways from the 3 hour piece of art:

1. We have only one life to live; so live it to the fullest, no point in repenting later
2. Life is like an adventure sport, without and training or practice sessions. So overcome your fears and deal with it
3. One would be much happier if we one can identify deal with ones problems as soon as possible and overcome them one way or other…making a choice that offers one to live that one life!

So overall a lovey dovey film where everything ends happily….This at least ensured a good night’s sleep to me and lots of Spanish road trips to dream about!

Well, the next film that I had an opportunity to watch was a Marathi film named ‘Bayo’. Set in the fascinating Konkan landscape, this award winning film takes us back to the pre-independence era where love, tolerance and life too had a different meaning.

It talks a about a veteran writer who keeps receiving mails addressed to some ‘Vishwanath’ at her residence in London. Being a curious writer and having loads of free time in a new country as a home maker, Mrunal Kulkarni (Writer) opens all these letters and reads them to develop a close bond with the sender, a muslim girl from a village in Konkan, Maharashtra, named ‘Bayo’.

What follows is a revelation of Bayo’s story, the love for Vishwanath and the years wait for him, to keep a promise. Bayo loses everything during the course of her wait including her mental sanity…Thought, in the end a meek attempt is made to unite Bayo and Vishwanath…after approximately a decade….

Gives us enough food for thought… two heart rendering stories…One where a whole lifetime is spent to keep a promise…where you have nothing left for yourself, not even your sanity…only a hope for tomorrow…. and the other where you live life for the moment…as if tomorrow never would come… Way to go Indian Cinema!!!

RIP?

Amongst the heavy rains and recent bomb blasts in the city, my mind wanders to issues less spoken of ...small town stories that are quickly forgotten...issues which we push at the back of our minds labeling them as ingrained, clichéd, same thing again etc...

While browsing through the news today for Monsoon update, news of a small time town girl caught my eye. The story talks of a bubbly girl who found love in a marriage arranged by her parents and finally ended her life in distress...very clichéd right?

Excerpts from the story:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Sweety’s Diary : How the knot she tied took her life

On June 2, 26-yr-old Asti Shekhar killed herself just three months after her dream marriage to a Wipro techie turned into a nightmare following the revelation of his illicit affair. Asti’s diary which records her travails will be used by the prosecution as evidence in court

 By Hemanth Kashyap

     Posted On Monday, June 13, 2011 at 10:06:41 AM

Asti Shekhar, a bubbly, educated, enterprising young woman from Bihar got engaged to Sikandar Abhijeet, also from Bihar but working at Wipro in Bangalore, on Jan 23 this year. Life, as she saw it then, had taken on a rosy hue beyond her wildest imagination – a good-looking, loving husband with a nice job, a new comfortable life in a big city, all the other fruits of happy domesticity, leavened by loads of love, to follow... They got married on Feb 27, and in the next three months all her dreams got shattered.  On June 2, she hung herself. Her father filed a criminal complaint against Abhijeet on June 4, and a few days later, the police arrested him on charges of death caused by dowry harassment.

The police have a diary purportedly written by Asti, mostly in Hindi but throughout in English script, and which diligently records her thoughts and feelings ever since she first met Abhijeet to her final hours. The diary will be produced in court as evidence by the prosecution.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This diary gives a day by day version of what innocent Asti went through from a blossoming dream to deep depression and end of life in a span of just three months! This piece of news has invited loads of comments ranging from hatred for Asti's in-laws to RIP messages for her and wishes for a happy life for her in her next birth....

After reading this, I wonder from where do girls like her get this tremendous capacity to bear so much pain and linger in their depressing world and continue loving their husbands and families?

I guess it is the culture, the upbringing and the constant words we hear from our elders that prepare us for the doomed destiny. Be a good wife, a good daughter, selfless mother, obedient daughter in law.....are the words echoed in our minds....Even in Metro dwelling educated families that we come from, haven’t we heard our mothers warning us...don’t take this step, you have to adjust come what may....We have recently witnessed many educated and professional young mothers ending their lives after flinging their kids from building tops...

We speak of India’s growth rate being the fastest in the years to come and one report claims that nothing stops us from being a super power...

But what about our power to think clearly for ourselves, to respect our life more than anything else in this world and leading our lives with a sense of pride?

Do we need to incorporate in our rural development programs where we teach mothers the importance of literacy, basic hygiene and cleanliness and family control measures? The importance of instilling the sense of self respect in young girls and daughters, the assurance that marriage institution is not the last option for a lady... there is life beyond giving and rendering selfless service and love to ones husbands, in laws and kids...

For this change, we will have to lead by examples, ensuring we as mothers, daughters, daughter in laws, wives and mother in laws, respect ourselves and our contribution to the family...our husbands, fathers, in laws and families in turn learn to respect our decisions and viewpoints in family matters.

In the small Himalayan kingdom of Bhutan, I witnessed many families that value, respect and take into account the views and feelings of the ladies in the family. It is a country that measures its progress as Gross National Happiness index and not it terms of GDP. In terms of development, this happy kingdom is far less developed than its gigantic neighbour - India...However, with the philosophy and culture that they have ingrained, I think it will go a long way!

As for we Indians...can we Rest in Peace as yet?

http://www.bangaloremirror.com/index.aspx?page=article&sectid=1&contentid=2011061320110613100726218df80d99c

In the shoes of 'Being Hired'

During 7 odd years in the field of HR and recruitment, i must have interviewed atleast 3000 odd candidates ranging from a houskeeping assistant to a CFO.

I remember my intial years when i used to get thrilled by watching my boss conducting an interview. I asked him once, do you ever get intimated by the candidate who might be senior to you in terms of experience, professional advancement or simply personality and communication...With a genuine smile that poured concern for his favourite trainee, my boss replied that it is a skill that you will learn with experience 'to hide any intimidation that you may encounter and conduct an interview with umpteen confidence!

Over the years, i think his words came true and I have mastered the art of putting up a beaming confidence come what may the profile i am hiring is...

But what happens when one is sitting on the other side of the table? Have we experienced the sweaty palms, growling stomach and warm foreheads...probably yes and for me always...
So what is this interviewing process all about and why does every job hunter feel the pangs of the interviewer hunting him down?

Personally, there have been many instances when i have walked out of the interview room feeling no more than shit about myself...there were days and sleepless nights spent in thinking over what went wrong? how could i have been so dumb, not fit for the job etc etc...

But recently I did some mind talk on the same... also analysed the way i myself conduct interviews, how would a candidate feel when he or she walks out of my interview room?

And i realised something which i had never given a thought to....

The real skill of an interviewer lies not in establishing himself as superior to the candidate, but to facilitate the conversation in a manner that brings out the best in the job seeker...

And every interviewee who feels motivated during the interview is sure to give his best in the process...as opposed to an insulted and bruised candidate walking out as if this was the end of the world..

Which shoes have you been in to?